Visionary

Dear Mrs. Jones,

Oh how I wish you were here.  I think I've made a momentous life decision, but I need you to confirm I'm doing the right thing.  I haven't been able to wear my contact lens consistently for over a month.  The past week, I haven't even attempted.  Each morning, I try to put them in, but the left one is so immediately scratchy, I can't bear it for even a few minutes.  My right one is OK, but not great.  My eye already feels tired as soon as I put it in.

Simultaneously, I feel I have had much more energy in the evenings for about the same time.  Maybe the wear and tear on my eyes contributed to my fatigue.  If your eyes are tired, everything is tired.  This morning, it occurred to me that it isn't worth it to wear contacts.  I've pretty much adjusted to glasses all day (& I had to wear readers WITH my contacts most of the time), and don't find it nearly as annoying as I usually do.  I think I am having difficulties reconciling my mental picture of myself:  that I DO NOT want to wear glasses.

I've worn these buggers since 1969 - - and that's a huge change to make.  But is it really, since I had to have readers, and take my regular glasses everywhere with me in case I "timed out" of wearing my contacts?  I used to tell people that I only felt half functional with glasses....but not so much now.

Mom said you almost never wore your contacts for the last 2-3 months of your life.  She thinks it was too difficult to remember the complicated process. Or that you'd misplaced them.  I wonder if the brain mets caused pressure on your eyes and made them uncomfortable?  When I saw you in the hospital, you briefly opened your gorgeous turquoise eyes - but wide open, like you couldn't see.  You probably couldn't, as you didn't have glasses on.  LOL

What do YOU think?  Should I press on, or give in to the new reality gracefully?  The only real issue I have is doing my hair and make up, but I can soon adjust, I'm certain.  Maybe the glaucoma will get bad enough soon, so that I can have crystal lens implants.  Maybe I'll just get some Rx sunglasses and all will be well.

I talked to Mom this morning.  She sounded quite fuzzy; said she hadn't gone to sleep til after 5:00 AM.  She said she was having some bad days, missing you.  That lady she used to help out and take dinner to died last week.  Have you met her?  :)  I do wonder if it works that way.  I don't really know how to console her, or what might help.  Maybe you could nudge some suggestions my way?  I guess doing anything would be better than nothing.

I miss you so much!

Love, Mrs. Flaherty