A couple of nights ago, I thought I heard someone in my room, and I had a sudden memory of your voice. Part of me thinks it was you, but it wasn't anything too significant. I think writing this blog has really helped me.
Christmas always makes me think of us growing up. The funny thing is, most of my memories are from the 3 years we lived on Spanish Oak Drive. All my other memories of other places are fuzzy-- until I was in college.
We're going to St. George for the weekend. I don't feel like I can leave Petunia, so I told her if she didn't come, I wouldn't go. It's SO HARD. I know the other kids are pissed, altho Rosebud saw for herself what she looked like before going to the hospital. I'm filled with guilt for how I felt about my parents and Baby Brother. It's so different when it is your CHILD.
I haven't heard from your kids - I'm planning to send them a little something for Christmas. Your #2 has gone back to the maiden name, I noticed. #1 is involved in his play.
I love and miss you so much. Please help me.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING
I didn't get a chance to post over the Thanksgiving holidays -- I am trying to fly under the radar with this blog.
Tuesday evening, Petunia checked herself in to inpatient psychiatry and stayed til yesterday. Over and above the worry, I really count on her help. On the other hand, DH and I didn't argue at all.
Thanksgiving came, and with it much drama between Mom and CW. Sometimes I want to scream at them that this isn't middle school, it's our lives! Mom is trying her best to get offended and dredge up and fester old hurts. I really felt like I should have been spared, as I was already having a tough time. But no, it's always about them.
Grammy and I took the 2 kids on the Polar Express on Friday night and then I had the kids spend the night. We had tons of fun - and it wasn't too cold. It was Rosebud and DSIL anniversary on Friday.
Sometimes, I just want a stinking break from all the drama. Since Petunia's gig was a total surprise to me (and much worse than simple psychosis), now I feel unbalanced. I'll be crisis habituated again for a long time. It robs me of enjoying the present, because I never know when the crisis will hit. It makes me feel like anything and everything can/will fall apart.
You are really the only one I had to talk to - and understood the mom and CW thing. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can relieve a lot of my stress. I've been seriously thinking of going back to therapy....I'd need a new therapist and it's exhausting to explain everything.
I'm losing my sense of humor....
A bright spot: Today is Pippy's 5th birthday. Where does the time go???
Tuesday evening, Petunia checked herself in to inpatient psychiatry and stayed til yesterday. Over and above the worry, I really count on her help. On the other hand, DH and I didn't argue at all.
Thanksgiving came, and with it much drama between Mom and CW. Sometimes I want to scream at them that this isn't middle school, it's our lives! Mom is trying her best to get offended and dredge up and fester old hurts. I really felt like I should have been spared, as I was already having a tough time. But no, it's always about them.
Grammy and I took the 2 kids on the Polar Express on Friday night and then I had the kids spend the night. We had tons of fun - and it wasn't too cold. It was Rosebud and DSIL anniversary on Friday.
Sometimes, I just want a stinking break from all the drama. Since Petunia's gig was a total surprise to me (and much worse than simple psychosis), now I feel unbalanced. I'll be crisis habituated again for a long time. It robs me of enjoying the present, because I never know when the crisis will hit. It makes me feel like anything and everything can/will fall apart.
You are really the only one I had to talk to - and understood the mom and CW thing. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can relieve a lot of my stress. I've been seriously thinking of going back to therapy....I'd need a new therapist and it's exhausting to explain everything.
I'm losing my sense of humor....
A bright spot: Today is Pippy's 5th birthday. Where does the time go???
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