Dear Mrs. Jones,
It's been nine months today since you left this earth. Someone could have grown a baby in 9 months. In some ways it feels so long ago, but in others, like it was yesterday. I keep thinking of things to tell you, or send to you, or ask you about.
I was at TJMAXX and saw Elizabeth Arden Green Tea perfume. I felt like I had been sucker punched in my gut. I wanted to tell you about the new additional Green Tea blends.
I went to get my hair cut with CW and Mom. I desperately needed someone to reassure me that I'm not the one who's "off." BTW, I think KimJ likes CW better than me. Her hair always looks divine, and I look frumpy. The cuts are OK, but not how she styles me. Just sayin'. She wouldn't be the first to like CW better.
I sent your kids Thanksgiving cards. I'm certain this will be a hard 6-7 weeks for them. I'd been thinking about The Religious One and sent her a card also. I cannot believe she is 72. I'm still struck by the injustice of Sergeant dying, and you being sick and dying while the LVDuo are still partying. Tell me this doesn't matter. I need reassurance.
Is that you, when I hear "Home"? It always makes me think of you. I need to feel you nearby. When my friend CJ died, I felt her with me for a LONG time. But not with Dad, or you, or the Chooby Little Booger. Why is that?
I'm getting CW some caching stuff for Christmas. If you have suggestions, I'd love to hear them. You'd come up with something uber cool, I know. And what in the world can I get mom? Help a sista out.
Thinking of you today and always,
Mrs. Flaherty
Monday, November 25, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Visionary
Dear Mrs. Jones,
Oh how I wish you were here. I think I've made a momentous life decision, but I need you to confirm I'm doing the right thing. I haven't been able to wear my contact lens consistently for over a month. The past week, I haven't even attempted. Each morning, I try to put them in, but the left one is so immediately scratchy, I can't bear it for even a few minutes. My right one is OK, but not great. My eye already feels tired as soon as I put it in.
Simultaneously, I feel I have had much more energy in the evenings for about the same time. Maybe the wear and tear on my eyes contributed to my fatigue. If your eyes are tired, everything is tired. This morning, it occurred to me that it isn't worth it to wear contacts. I've pretty much adjusted to glasses all day (& I had to wear readers WITH my contacts most of the time), and don't find it nearly as annoying as I usually do. I think I am having difficulties reconciling my mental picture of myself: that I DO NOT want to wear glasses.
I've worn these buggers since 1969 - - and that's a huge change to make. But is it really, since I had to have readers, and take my regular glasses everywhere with me in case I "timed out" of wearing my contacts? I used to tell people that I only felt half functional with glasses....but not so much now.
Mom said you almost never wore your contacts for the last 2-3 months of your life. She thinks it was too difficult to remember the complicated process. Or that you'd misplaced them. I wonder if the brain mets caused pressure on your eyes and made them uncomfortable? When I saw you in the hospital, you briefly opened your gorgeous turquoise eyes - but wide open, like you couldn't see. You probably couldn't, as you didn't have glasses on. LOL
What do YOU think? Should I press on, or give in to the new reality gracefully? The only real issue I have is doing my hair and make up, but I can soon adjust, I'm certain. Maybe the glaucoma will get bad enough soon, so that I can have crystal lens implants. Maybe I'll just get some Rx sunglasses and all will be well.
I talked to Mom this morning. She sounded quite fuzzy; said she hadn't gone to sleep til after 5:00 AM. She said she was having some bad days, missing you. That lady she used to help out and take dinner to died last week. Have you met her? :) I do wonder if it works that way. I don't really know how to console her, or what might help. Maybe you could nudge some suggestions my way? I guess doing anything would be better than nothing.
I miss you so much!
Love, Mrs. Flaherty
Oh how I wish you were here. I think I've made a momentous life decision, but I need you to confirm I'm doing the right thing. I haven't been able to wear my contact lens consistently for over a month. The past week, I haven't even attempted. Each morning, I try to put them in, but the left one is so immediately scratchy, I can't bear it for even a few minutes. My right one is OK, but not great. My eye already feels tired as soon as I put it in.
Simultaneously, I feel I have had much more energy in the evenings for about the same time. Maybe the wear and tear on my eyes contributed to my fatigue. If your eyes are tired, everything is tired. This morning, it occurred to me that it isn't worth it to wear contacts. I've pretty much adjusted to glasses all day (& I had to wear readers WITH my contacts most of the time), and don't find it nearly as annoying as I usually do. I think I am having difficulties reconciling my mental picture of myself: that I DO NOT want to wear glasses.
I've worn these buggers since 1969 - - and that's a huge change to make. But is it really, since I had to have readers, and take my regular glasses everywhere with me in case I "timed out" of wearing my contacts? I used to tell people that I only felt half functional with glasses....but not so much now.
Mom said you almost never wore your contacts for the last 2-3 months of your life. She thinks it was too difficult to remember the complicated process. Or that you'd misplaced them. I wonder if the brain mets caused pressure on your eyes and made them uncomfortable? When I saw you in the hospital, you briefly opened your gorgeous turquoise eyes - but wide open, like you couldn't see. You probably couldn't, as you didn't have glasses on. LOL
What do YOU think? Should I press on, or give in to the new reality gracefully? The only real issue I have is doing my hair and make up, but I can soon adjust, I'm certain. Maybe the glaucoma will get bad enough soon, so that I can have crystal lens implants. Maybe I'll just get some Rx sunglasses and all will be well.
I talked to Mom this morning. She sounded quite fuzzy; said she hadn't gone to sleep til after 5:00 AM. She said she was having some bad days, missing you. That lady she used to help out and take dinner to died last week. Have you met her? :) I do wonder if it works that way. I don't really know how to console her, or what might help. Maybe you could nudge some suggestions my way? I guess doing anything would be better than nothing.
I miss you so much!
Love, Mrs. Flaherty
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Long ago and far away
Dear Mrs. Jones,
Forty-one years ago today, you married First Husband. I don't think we ever had a fight after that. He seemed like an OK choice at the time -- you were still reeling from ConMan's death in March. I didn't understand what you saw in First Husband, but he was kind and funny. Dad said you just didn't want to go to school, or work, and so you got married. That may have been true; people marry for fewer reasons than that.
You lived very close to my dorm, and I saw you all the time. One of my most clear memories is you and I biking to the OB-GYN in the round building (still standing!) on 5th West to take a pregnancy test. It was negative, but you were sure you were pregnant. Turns out you were -- but you never showed positive on the test. Later, after you moved to Billings, MT you had a horrific miscarriage. You probably had infection that resulted in your inability to get pregnant or carry a child. Funny - you could've had a 40 year old!!
The marriage was at the Grandparents' place - it was HOT! Everything was outside and the cake almost melted off the plate! After you and FH left, the huge fight began, and there was never a good resolution, even 8 years later.
All this seems so real and recent to me. It's not something to bring up to Mom (it will stir the hornet's nest) or CW (she likely remembers nothing). How I wish we could talk and remember the good parts of that time. I pass the old house several times a week, and I remember it so fondly.
I miss you everyday. I try to feel you near, but that rarely happens, and I'm not even sure of the times I think I do.
-
Forty-one years ago today, you married First Husband. I don't think we ever had a fight after that. He seemed like an OK choice at the time -- you were still reeling from ConMan's death in March. I didn't understand what you saw in First Husband, but he was kind and funny. Dad said you just didn't want to go to school, or work, and so you got married. That may have been true; people marry for fewer reasons than that.
You lived very close to my dorm, and I saw you all the time. One of my most clear memories is you and I biking to the OB-GYN in the round building (still standing!) on 5th West to take a pregnancy test. It was negative, but you were sure you were pregnant. Turns out you were -- but you never showed positive on the test. Later, after you moved to Billings, MT you had a horrific miscarriage. You probably had infection that resulted in your inability to get pregnant or carry a child. Funny - you could've had a 40 year old!!
The marriage was at the Grandparents' place - it was HOT! Everything was outside and the cake almost melted off the plate! After you and FH left, the huge fight began, and there was never a good resolution, even 8 years later.
All this seems so real and recent to me. It's not something to bring up to Mom (it will stir the hornet's nest) or CW (she likely remembers nothing). How I wish we could talk and remember the good parts of that time. I pass the old house several times a week, and I remember it so fondly.
I miss you everyday. I try to feel you near, but that rarely happens, and I'm not even sure of the times I think I do.
-
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